I often think about how much my life has changed over the last few years. I have learned many things in these few years. Many of which can not be shared here. Others, however, can be and I am here to tell you that it is very insightful when you are on this side of a trial, to be telling of the other side!
There was one day, I remember pretty clearly, that I decided I had done enough here on earth and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself, NO ONE would really miss me if I were gone. I was frustrated, it was cold, wet, and raining....a downpour if you will, and I was out on a walk. I didn't want to go home because of the frustrations and I thought it would be easier to just catch pneumonia and wither from existence. Other things happened that night and I recall thinking so deeply that no one would even know I was gone. However, there was a little voice....small to say the least, that told me I was wrong. That I was needed and for one small second I believed it. One teeny tiny second....and that is all it took for me to turn around and go home.
It was soon after that in which I decided going to get help would not be a bad thing. I was at the lowest I had ever been in my life (which was pretty low) and I couldn't do it on my own. I knew that I needed to ask. Asking had never been easy for me, but after that night, I had no choice.
People were called and spoken to, I found the strength to make appointments and call doctors and get the medications and the appointments I needed to start working on what would be some of the hardest times of my life. It wasn't easy. Often times I found myself wondering why I was even trying. For some reason I kept holding on. I kept working hard and trying to do better. Eventually it got easier, I found myself fighting to remain alive.
This isn't new information to most of you, as you know I was really bad off. Some may be wondering when and what really happened, and if you really want to know, feel free to ask me, I will tell you. Just know I will not sugar coat it.
My point is not even in the story I have just told you, but in the principle of the story. I didn't get anywhere without learning how.
I often say I will go back to school, to be honest with you, I am not sure if that will happen right now. I don't know why, but it just isn't the time. I want to continue learning and I know that I can not learn by just sitting here. There were times in those trials that learning was very important. I had to learn a lot to make it through them. I didn't do it alone. I had a master teacher, who through messengers, helped me to learn and grow. I became who I am today by going through these trials.
I do often look back on those times and wonder. I wonder what would have happened if I didn't get help. I wonder if I would have done something different in my life, if things would have been easier. I wonder a lot of things, but what it comes down to is that in life, you need trials to grow.
I honestly can not imagine my life without the many trials I have endured. I have seen a lot of things in my life, some people know about, others people have no clue. I have taken something from each trial and applied it to my life, I am becoming who I was meant to become. I am very happy about that.
Looking back is hard sometimes, you see all the faults and mistakes you have made, you see the bad things that have happened to you, the heartaches, the frustrations, but now, for me I see the tender mercies that I have been given to make it through this life to the next.
So what is my point in all of this?? Trials will make you grow. Sometimes things may seem to be going against you, no matter how hard you are trying, and other times the wind may be at your back....just remember that you are who you are because of your trials and not just that but because of how you ENDURED through your trials. I hope to continue to endure through my trials. I know that sometimes they seem very heavy and daunting, but I know that if I continually turn to the Lord with Faith in prayer that I will have the strength to make it through.
So today as I reflect on the many dark times I faced in the past, I must remember this, that sometimes it takes a journey through a really dark place to really appreciate the Light!
Love, Me
Have a :0) Day!
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