Way way too long

You would think that I would be able to come here for 10 minutes each day and update this.....wow it has been a long time. The kids have started school and the youngest and I have had a chance to spend a lot of one on one time together. I have enjoyed it a lot. I can also fit in a nap once in a while! It has been nice.

This has been a long year and yet it is flying by so quickly. I really do plan on keeping this blog going and I am sorry I have not been here updating it. So here is an update to what has happened since I last wrote.

We went camping a few times this summer. The kids love to go camping. Our last camping trip was quite WINDY. Somehow though it was one of the best camping trips I have ever been on. It is amazing what a great family gathering will do for you.

The kids of course started school as I mentioned before. My oldest is in 3rd grade and behind her is my son who is in 1st grade. They love school and their teachers. They have 2 of the best teachers in the school. Their teachers fit their personalities really well.

My oldest is still doing counseling and she has been learning a lot about dealing with her feelings of sadness and hurt. She is learning that she has more control over her feelings. It is so hard for her and my heart breaks knowing that because of her medication that her feelings are intensified. It is hard to watch her sometimes knowing that no matter what I say, she will not feel any better. She is a strong little girl though and she never ceases to amaze me.

My son is doing really well in school. He is learning a lot and is starting to read better than he already was this summer. He is loving school and has made friends and loves his teacher. He lost his first tooth last week and was super excited.

My youngest will be 3 on Saturday. She has such a funny little personality and she is loved by so many people. She wins the hearts of perfect strangers in the blink of an eye. It is amazing and I am sure this will come as an advantage to her at some point in her life. It could also be a disadvantage but lets hope not.

My husband has been searching for a job anywhere. We have put in applications all over the United states. He has only been contacted by one company in 2 1/2 years and it really gets frustrating. Hopefully more companies will take him seriously and consider him for a job. It has been difficult in the last few years not knowing what each week will bring as far as work goes. However we have made it this far and will hopefully make it a long time no matter the circumstances. At least we have each other.

As for me. I am the PTA president for the 2nd year in a row and I love it. I say that and I honestly don't think people believe me. I am also a member of the community council. I really enjoy doing stuff for the community. It makes me sad that more people are not involved. I am currently considering going back to school to become an EMT. I think that would be a fun profession and it is something I have excelled in my whole life. It is going to take a year or two to get enough education in for it and I probably won't be able to start for another year. By the time I am finished all 3 kids will be in school and I will be able to work a little without worrying about the kids so much.

My testimony has grown immensely this year. It has been nearly a year since my brush with death. I am so thankful to be here and so happy to have had this last year to see my children grow and become so much smarter and loving. I have built a really good relationship with my Lord. I have been blessed so much in the last year. I know that things haven't been perfect and that things have been hard but I have also really had some amazing moments.

I have experience so many things, pain, suffering, sorrow, hurt, despair, happiness, joy, love, patience, peace, and so many more. Sometimes I feel ALL of these and more emotions within an hour in a day and sometimes I feel the love and peace and happiness for days. Other times I experience the sorrow, hurt, suffering and pain for days but I know that I can come out of it and feel that peace again. This time of year has been a little more difficult than I thought it would be but I know that I am okay.

I am honestly happy today to know that I am alive and well and that I am here. I have been given this chance to shine and I intend on doing so. Until my dying day. Thanks for reading this blog! I hope you will continue to read and I promise to update more often than I have been

Have a :o) day!

Seriously?

Wow I haven't written in 26 days! I guess I need to get on here more and do exactly what it is this blog was put here to do. It has been a long time and a lot has happened since I last wrote. I will start with the 4th and move on from there.

Happiness is a journey as I have discovered. Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it, other times it comes naturally. The 4th was a natural sense of happiness. We took a trip to visit family in Price. It felt so nice to just go and enjoy the sun and spend time with family. We really were relaxed. It was the first time in 10 years that going back felt like home. I vowed I would never live there again, however after that trip I might make an exception. We shall see. We enjoyed fireworks and food. We had a great time and wish that all trips could be that enjoyable.

We decided to stop at Temple Square on the way home from Price. My oldest had been begging me to take them there for a while and so when we were just passing through anyway, we decided to do it. We took the kids to see the Conference center and to the temple grounds and we visited the visitors center with the Christus and went over and saw the new SLC Temple diagram. It was really cool. The kids were excited to see what the inside of the temple looked like. If you haven't seen it, it is worth a trip there to do so. My kids loved every second of the day. We had a ton of fun and it is something they will remember. We also went to Tooele to see Grandma and Grandpa on the way home (really it was out of the way but it was fun)

That week was slow and stressful but we got through it.

My friend Came from Ohio for a visit and one day we went Wedding dress shopping as she is getting married. It was such a fun time to get together with the girls and do something so fun. I enjoyed watching the reactions of my dear friend as she tried each dress on. It was neat to see how happy she was. I thoroughly enjoyed the time I had with my friends that day.


When I returned home that day I had a message or TWENTY from my brother telling me I had to get hold of him and that it was URGENT. I don't mind getting Twenty messages from anyone, however these messages are the hardest to hear. My niece had passed away at the age of 10. I nearly fell over from the news. I didn't know what to say or how to react. The first thing I thought of was my daughter and how she was going to take that one of her best friends had just passed away. I struggled because I knew her mom and dad were both so sad and confused and I didn't know how to help them. I then couldn't imagine losing one of my children although I had lost a baby and felt a loss. It wasn't the same though because I never knew that baby the way we all knew Cheyenne. She was 10. Then I had to remember that she never went a day in her life without being in pain. I had to remember that she was no longer suffering. That she could walk and run with the angels. It makes me sad to know she is gone, but I am truly happy that I will be able to see her again someday.

The funeral was last Monday. I barely made it through the opening prayer (I was asked to say it). It was a beautiful service followed by her being taken to the cemetery in a horse drawn carriage followed by her family and her pony, Rusty.

The next day we spent with my step brother Ryan and his family. We went to Temple Square and had a good time. We visited lots of places and really had a ton of fun. The kids really enjoyed spending time with their cousins. It was a sad reason that we were all together but we tried our best at making it a happy occasion as well. We went and saw The Joseph Smith movie and I loved it. It was the first time I had seen it. I think what made it even more enjoyable was having my oldest there witnessing it with me and having her get nervous and asking me questions as to when things would happen and asking why things happened. I love the age of my oldest because they are curious and they ask many questions.

I am glad she is curious. This Sunday as we were sitting in Sacrament my oldest asked me why we partake of it. I knew the answer but I thought that taking out the scriptures and showing her the answer would be a better way, that way when she needed an answer to a question and I am not there she would know that she could pull out the scriptures and find the answer for herself. She was happy with the answer and seemed very excited to know.

Sunday also marked the ending of a great bishopric. Our bishop was released and another put in. It was a very bittersweet moment. I spent many hours in the bishops office learning about myself and about the gospel, all from a man who was very faithful and had a wonderful testimony. He was an amazing bishop and he will truly be a friend forever. Our new bishop is going to be GREAT. I love him and he will have a great influence on our ward.

Sometimes Change is hard, however it is necessary for growth. This month has been a month of Change and I hope that we all grow from it and the lessons we learn will be helpful to us in the future.

Happiness is a journey and I intend on keeping up with it......Thanks for reading!
Have a :0) Day.

Reflection

I remember about a year and a half ago when I finally lost all sense of who I was. It was a scary place to be. I also remember talking to my bishop after having lost that sense and thinking to myself that the bishop had no clue what he was talking about and that I was perfectly fine. I remember him suggesting counseling and me saying I will think about it, only to avoid it at all lengths for at least another month. He told me that I didn't have a testimony and that about threw me for a loop. I didn't believe him. I thought he was crazy. Ha! I said there is no way this man is right.

After another month of feeling the way I was feeling, I finally called LDS Family Services and set up an appointment. I felt defeated and I was scared of who my counselor might be and that I wouldn't get along with them and that they wouldn't understand the thoughts going through my head. I had no real desire to actually talk at all with the counselor and vowed in my own little brain to keep my thoughts to myself. I did not know what I was doing and I felt like I had so many things going on in my brain. Those voices (if you don't know) are always flip flopping. One minute you will think....YES this is exactly what I need......the next minute.....NO what are you thinking?? You are completely fine, you can do this on your own, you just need to pull yourself up by your boot straps and get on with life. And it is constantly changing literally from MINUTE to MINUTE. It gets kinda scary in your brain and you don't want to be there anymore because you can't stand it. Thoughts enter your mind that you can't get rid of. Thoughts of life being better, thoughts of life ending, thoughts of disaster and pain, thoughts of sorrow and to be honest with you I had those thoughts for a very long time. I thought it was a normal thing to feel the way I did.

As I sit here typing this I feel a bit liberated as I tell you about my thoughts. I wouldn't have shared this with you a year and a half ago....I wouldn't have even brought it up in a conversation and I would have avoided any talk about depression and anxiety. I did not believe that medication would help me. I was stubborn.

I finally met with a counselor, I finally told her what it was I had thought for years and when I said these things in tears, she came over and sat by me and just gave me a little hug and talked with me. She helped me work through the anger of things in the past, the frustration of the things in the presence, and helped me to change the way I thought about the future. I learned a lot from her and now I am able to do it on my own. I don't need to meet with her anymore. Although I truly miss it. I sometimes just want to go back and talk to her, just to talk to her. She was a major part of my life changing experience.

Why? You might be asking am I talking about this. (if you're not, stop reading).

About a week ago I went into my bishops office again (to receive a calling) and while I was there we started talking about where I was a year and a half ago. He said to me...The Cynthia I know now and the Cynthia I knew a year and a half ago are two totally different people. He told me how far he has seen me come and how much I have grown. He told me that the goals I had been reaching for had been reached and that it was time to make new ones. As I sat there and listened to him tell me all of this, I thought back to the way I used to think and really got it. I realized that I was a different person. I now have a testimony of myself and of the church and of God. As long as I am doing the right things to keep my testimony I will never lose it.

It was a long process....to hear that a year and a half later might be amazing to you. I tell you it was always hard. I honestly never thought I would hear those words from my bishop. At least when I started. Now that I have reached that goal........I guess it is time to make some pretty awesome new ones. If I can redefine who I am in one and a half years, just think what I could become! Here is to Life long Happiness!

:0)

Long overdue

Today I am here. I know it has been a long, long time since I last posted. I have put it off and put it off until I could find a REALLY good reason to post here. Today I know I don't have to. I am so happy today. So many wonderful things have happened this month and I am going to share them now.

1. School is OUT!!! That means I have a break from PTA for 2 months! YAY!!
2. The summer hasn't been too hot yet. I have totally loved it.
3. We have had some great friends and family really help us out this month and we were able to make it.
4. We started a new rewards program with the kids and I have never seen kids so happy to do chores in my entire life.
5. We have really stuck to our family scripture study and prayers and have seen such a change in the atmosphere of our home.
6. 3 times I have been able to attend the temple in the last month. Once with my friend Emily (I LOVE YOU EM!) Once with my good friends Travis and Chelsea (LOVE YOU TOO!!) when they received their endowments and then again today when they were sealed. Such a beautiful place to be! I love the temple. I have quite enjoyed the opportunities I have had to go.
7. My inlaws are here visiting and they took the kids for the day while we attended the sealing and they took the kids swimming. We were able to go watch them swim between the wedding and the luncheon. It was fun watching them. I can tell how much they really love our kids.
8. Tonight I am just thankful to be here. I have struggled lately with depression and I am hopefully coming out of a downward slump. Hopefully.

I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend. Thanks for reading (that is if you still do) and HAPPY FATHERS DAY! TO all you wonderful DADS out there!!!

Gardening and Family Pictures

I received a phone call one day from my mom asking me if I wanted money to buy plants for my garden for my birthday. I of course said that would be WONDERFUL! So I got money.

Today, I went to the store and bought all of my plants and then the family went out to our garden spot to plant.

First we had to work hard to dig up all the weeds and get them out of our garden. The kids did really well and they helped take them all to the compost container and then they were getting frustrated so after they finished helping with the weeds we let them play in the sandbox.

This is a community garden area and we were part of it last year as well. It is so much fun to work around so many wonderful people.

Anyway back to the garden. My husband and I continued working and got the garden tilled and planted. Then we watered it and were finished. It looks great! The kids are excited to see the plants grow.

We also planted strawberries on the back porch of our apartment.

My flowers are growing that I planted about a month ago and they are starting to look great. It won't be long until they are so beautiful.

Today was also happy because I finally got our family pictures back. They are so beautiful and I love them all. I think that our photographer was able to capture our personalities and still manage to have some pretty awesome pictures of us!

I am so thankful for the opportunities this life gives us. We are truly blessed to have a place to grow a garden and we are blessed to have such great friends and family.

Today was a Happy day.

Temple Pie

Last night I got a text from a good friend asking if I wanted to go to the temple with her. I accepted the invitation and she came and got me and we went to the temple. It was so awesome. I had not been since July of last year. It was so wonderful to feel that spirit and to just bask in the wonderful feelings you have in the Temple. It has been way too long and I do not intend on waiting that long again to attend. I went with many questions and although I didn't receive any answers pertaining to those particular questions (At least not yet) I felt peace and comfort. While we were sitting in the celestial room I asked my friend if we could stay there forever and just live there. I didn't want to leave. She offered to drive wrecklessly on the way home and I told her there were better ways to go, such as going to Village inn to get pie! So off we went....

At Village in we were seated and we looked at the pie and waited for our waitress to come so we could order........then we waited some more............and some more........we wondered if we had actually died and no one was noticing us. Finally we got someones attention and they came and took our order. We got pie and the waitress asked us if we wanted a side of fries and I asked her if they would be free and she said YES! I wasn't expecting that. It was nice to have a free thing after being forgotten. After we got our fries the waitress left and we enjoyed our YUMMALICIOUS pie and our fries and when the waitress came back, she informed us that our tab had been taken care of. So we ended up getting FREE PIE and FRIES! It was awesome! To top off the yumminess, there were some college boys sitting behind us and they made us LAUGH so much. They were hilarious! They talked about how they hate to go to church and sit behind a couple who are kissing and showing way too much affection, and one kid said "well we shouldn't sleep in church either, but we do!" Then they talked about all the ways they hide that they are sleeping in church. I remember being in College and single and having those SAME conversations with my Room mates! It brought back some pretty funny memories.

Last night was a very Happy Moment on my M2B:0). Thank you dear friend for inviting me to come!

29 and Holding

Today is my 29th birthday. REALLY! Honestly, truthfully, "I never tell a lie". ha ha...So anyway I had decided that 29 was going to be my last birthday ever. Yep. My friends and family seem to think that 30 is coming up on me really quick! HA! I am going to be 29 forever. Next year I will be 29. The year after I will be 29, and for many years to come I will be 29. Besides, you are only as old as you act right?? Well in that case I would only be 10. LOL.

Honestly though, I am not so sure that I am ready to get older. I was okay with the 20's for the most part. I am not sure 30 is going to be my cup of tea. I guess no matter what happens, Life will go on. I need to learn how to grab life by the horns and just go along for the ride. I am sure in a year when that big 3-0 comes along, I will be ready for it. Lucky for me, I have a year to wait it out.

Hope you all have a :0) Day!

Mommy's Day

I usually hate this day with a passion. Honestly.

This morning was different. I woke up and my oldest was sitting next to me and waiting for me to wake up. When I finally realized what was going on I looked and there was a plate on my night stand with toast, a banana and a glass of milk. Granted it was cold because she made it like an hour earlier and just sat and waited for me to wake up, Ha ha, but she brought me breakfast in bed and it was DELICIOUS! She gave me a card with her handprint and a beautiful poem to accompany it, and the BIGGEST hug in the world. It was great. My son gave me a flower that he made in school out of a paper cup and a beautiful Mothers day card. At church the kids made flowers with suckers and straws and paper. They were really cute. I have a whole bouquet of them. I got a coupon from my youngest for a free kiss (which really all my kisses are free anyway but hey it was cute). When we got home from church my husband surprised me by making a turkey dinner and some yummy brownies with strawberries on top! I got tons of hugs and kisses from the kids. I loved it. I had a great mothers day this year. Can we do that every day???


Have a :0) Day!!!

Quiet

Today was a good day for the most part. I was beginning to wonder by the end of the day if I was going to be fighting with my kids all night. I kept asking them to do their chores. It was getting a little annoying. Anyway I made dinner and the kids ate really good so my husband told them he would take them to get a slurpee. They paused the movie, walked out the door and it was quiet. QUIET! Silence filled the house and peace came to my heart. It was wonderful. I love my kids but I forget how quiet life is without them until they are not with me. It was nice to have it but after about 10 minutes I was wondering where my kids were again! I guess I missed them. It must have been a little TOO quiet! :)

Hope you have a :0) Day!

Neglecting

I have so neglected this blog. It isn't that anything happy HASN'T happened, it is just that life has been really busy. It has been 2 weeks. Much has happened in the last 2 weeks to keep me away from here. From seizures, to chicken pox, to the flu, to hospital visits, well that is what my last two weeks have been like.

Today I am happy. I have a great life. Yeah sometimes it feels like things are never going to calm down, that we are going to have to deal with stressful situations for the rest of our lives but honestly those small trials in life are helping us to grow and learn. Some people hear my story of the last 6-7 months and they sit there with their jaw dropped and they wonder when things will get better. Well I am here to tell you that they never got bad. Yeah they got tough and we had a lot of trials, but we also received a lot of blessings along the way.

This past week I have felt so many emotions as we took our oldest daughter to PCMC to have tests done to find out why she has been having so many seizures. While I was stressed, worried and of course as any mother would, Freaking out, I was also feeling peace that we would find what was causing them, that no matter what it was, we would be able to find a way to help her deal with it. I felt hope that we would know the results of the tests quickly. We also knew that as we went into the tests that we would possibly find NOTHING. Of course that is what we hoped for. My oldest was so brave and strong. She was amazing. She went into those tests with faith that she would be okay. Between testing we took her to the Utah State Capital and took her on a tour of it. It was a fun day to remember. Yes she was stressed as we were, yes she had to have these tests done to her at PCMC but we were able to give her a reason to have a good memory of that day by taking her somewhere really cool.

So besides the fact that life has had its bumps in the road, I know that no matter what happens Heavenly father will be there to help us along.

My daughters tests all came back Normal. Which means there are no MAJOR problems in her brain causing her seizures. We go back this coming Tuesday to discuss the test results and figure out what we need to do next.

I am happy today that I am here and alive. I am thankful for such a wonderful family who is so strong and understanding. This truly is a great life I have. I consider myself very lucky.

Have a :0) Day!

Sharing talent

I am excited to sing in church on Sunday. People often ask me if I am nervous to sing. I always tell them NOPE. I don't get nervous to sing in front of anyone. NOW, if you were to ask me to speak in church....THEN I would be nervous. I don't like speaking in church and have avoided it like the plague for years. Hopefully that didn't just jinx me (knock on wood).

Often during conference you hear this advice often, that we are supposed to share our talents and improve them. Well this last year and a half I have been taking voice lessons. I have loved it. I love my teacher and she is so great!

Sunday will be the first time I have done a musical number since before I found out I was pregnant. I hadn't realized how long it had been until just recently. Anyway I am excited to do it. I can't wait to use my voice. I hope that you all have a :0) day!

Dental Happiness

My 2 year old had her first Dentist Appointment today. She was so excited to go to the dentist that when I left to take the kids to school, she thought I left for the dentist without her!

The experience when we got there was quite interesting. She sat in the dentist chair by herself (she didn't want me there) and she did EVERYTHING the dental assistant told her to do. She got her teeth cleaned, and we were told that she is a better patient at 2 than most of their 5 and 6 year olds. After she was done she got a prize and she was happy.

Then it was Mommy's Turn! She wanted to do everything the dental assistant was doing. She took all my x-rays (she pushed the button in the hall). She helped by giving the dental assistant the water sprayer and suction straw. She loved every minute of it. The dental assistant just kept letting her help. It made me happy to see her enjoying helping out. Maybe one day she will want to be a dental assistant or a Dentist! Who knows! :)

Have a :0) day!

I have Candy

Ha. Okay so this story made my day. In spite of the sadness of giving away some of our baby furniture.

My home teacher asked us if we had any baby items we would be willing to donate. I offered up our crib and a few other items for them to give to a lady in our ward who needed some help. Anyway, I went to do some errands over by his house and I saw him outside. He was wearing a shirt that said "I HAVE CANDY". I laughed and said, "You have candy? Can I have some??" He said I would have to come into the house to get it....lol. Later that evening he came by to pick up the items I said he could take to this lady in our ward. I started to hand him the pieces of the crib and when I turned around he had a styrofoam cup in his hand. I asked what was in it and he showed me.

IT WAS CANDY!!!! Ha ha. I totally thought that was funny. He really made my day with that. Thanks Seth!!!

Have a :0) Day!

Back home

This past week we spent in Washington. We went to see family and visit the sites. We had a ton of fun. We really didn't want to leave. Coming home we decided to drive the full way home without any stops. Living in Utah we had to drive about 11 hours to get home from where we were staying. We left late because we were out late the night before. I knew it was going to be long and tedious but I also knew that I wanted to get home. We just kept driving. We had fun.

Coming home was long. I started getting tired. There is just something about coming home that just makes you feel so good. For me it was pulling into the valley and seeing the Beautiful Temple. A lot of people don' t have that opportunity but we live in a town with a Temple. As I pulled in and saw that beautiful place, I felt a peace I hadn't felt in a long time. A peace of Home and safety. It was such a great feeling. I always long for those types of feelings.

I consider myself lucky to live this close to a temple. I need to go again as I haven't been since before I had my surgery in October. I think it is time to make time to go.

Have a :0) day!

Small Accomplishments

Yesterday we went sight seeing in Washington. We went to see the Petrified trees and to see these Steel Horses on top of a hill. Well the hill is really steep and we decided to climb up to the horses. I was a little weary about it. I didn't know if I would be able to make it very far. I realized after going about half way that I hadn't stopped to get a breath yet! It was an amazing feeling. I wanted to jump for joy because I had done something I hadn't done since I was a child. It felt so good and I knew then that I was getting healthier. This going to the Gym thing is working and I feel great!

This is the very first vacation we have taken in our 9 years of Marriage. The kids are having so much fun. We have seen things that we had never thought we would ever see. So many amazing and wonderful sights. We have truly enjoyed ourselves.

Today we are heading to a little bavarian town and tomorrow we are heading to Seattle and then to the beach. I am so excited to see the ocean. I am sure it will be a sight to hold in my heart forever. IT will be the first time in my life that I have seen it.

This vacation is a great break. We have needed it. We have had a lot happen in the last 6 months and so this vacation is a chance for us to come together as a family and just have fun. No trauma, no bills, no stress. We truly have enjoyed it so far :)

Have a :0) Day!